I was helping my nephew with his assignment, when I saw a pensive expression that was far too intense to be just about his school work.“What’s up with that look?” I asked.
With deep sincerity he responded with his own question: “Why are you helping me?”
And he wasn’t satisfied with “… because you’re my nephew” or “… because I love you”.
No. He was searching for a deeper motivation. A motivation deeper than love?!
I hadn’t thought about the why. I just knew that I wanted to contribute to him being able to complete the assignment which I know would make him happy. But, when he forced me to give him a more deeply ruminative answer my contemplation led me to this realization—I was first and foremost grateful for the opportunity to help him succeed.
You regain your power by changing your mindset. Realize that a victim mentality only breeds a funky attitude.
I may have been a target, but I was never a victim. I thought I was during the entire time I was bullied and for a while after it was over. Understand that a victim mentality, when taken to extremes, serves no purpose. It only breeds laziness and entitlement. You feel that the world owes you something. It doesn’t.
I had the same attitude and it got me nowhere!
Also, if you hold on to it and let it define you, you’ll only attract more bullies and abusers in your life. We are what we think, and the universe will provide more of the stuff that matches our thoughts.
That is why it’s so important that you shed this mentality of defeat. Only then will you re-empower yourself and win true peace and happiness!
If you are a target of bullying, you must hold on. Although intense- even unbearable, your pain will only be temporary. I don’t say this lightly because know what you must be thinking.
“But she doesn’t understand! Nobody understands! Nobody else is going through it! How can she possibly understand the daily hell I endure at work (or at school)?”
I do understand. Once upon a time, I was stuck in the same spot that you are in today. You want to smile, laugh, sing, and dance; only for others to beat it out of you! So strong is the desire to believe in yourself and see your own value. Yet others repeatedly and deliberately tear you down!
The night always turns darkest before the dawn.
All you want is to speak and have your voice heard! But others only silence you with threats of physical harm and further degradation. The threat of suspension or the loss of your job and livelihood hangs over your head. Also, the danger of having opportunities for future employment ruined looms over you. Or you face the possibility of a school suspension or expulsion. Survivors know firsthand what it feels like. It’s the feeling of wanting to move forward, only to have bullies hold you back.
You want to escape the torment. But you’re stuck in a toxic environment with toxic people, against your will! We know the bewilderment when people curse your very existence. It’s terrifying when bullies bombard you with death threats.
They force you to sacrifice your needs and wants for theirs. It sucks to see others getting gratification and entertainment at your expense. Being dehumanized can be life-altering. Many others, just like you, have also felt the pain of being slapped, kicked, and beaten. It’s no fun when people scorn, disregard, and trample you underfoot. You don’t know how much we hurt for you.
There are people who understand and who care.
We know what it feels like. It’s like being run over by a truck, whose driver then stops, shifts into reverse, and backs over you. For a second time, he shifts back into drive and mows over you. He then stops the truck, opens the door, sticks his head out, and asks, “Are you dead yet?”
And any signs of life- any whimper or movement only encourages the driver to close the door, shift into reverse again, and repeat. Therefore, he continues doing so until you finally succumb to the trauma and die.
Yes. This is how bullying feels. Bullies want to destroy you, and it seems that they won’t relent until they succeed at it.
You are beautiful, smart, and awesome! And one day, you will cross paths with people who will see your worth and love you- unconditionally- just for being YOU! You will find a teacher, school, supervisor, or employer who will see the good you bring to the table. And they will see you as the asset you truly are!
“Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, everyone who sins is a slave to sin.” (John 8:34)
Suppose we created a world where everyone had access to a top-notch education…and a good job…and first-class healthcare. And suppose we found cures for all our worst diseases and also managed to solve the hunger, pollution, and clean water crises. And imagine if nuclear proliferation, terrorism, and weather weirdness (droughts, rising temperatures, floods, etc.) came to a screeching halt.
Question: At the mall, would you leave your valuables unattended on a table in the food court, while you went to the restroom?
Sin is such a pervasive and grim reality that the writers of the New Testament used multiple Greek words, with different nuances, to discuss it. The most common word translated sin-used by Jesus in the verse above-means “to miss the target.” The word refers to all the ways we fail to be and do what God created us to be and do.
Have you always been the absolute best parent or sibling? Are you a flawless friend-perfectly loyal and forgiving and patient, one hundred percent of the time? Were there any moments yesterday in which you could have been kinder or more loving or more generous?
Sin, simply put, is falling short of God’s standard of perfect holiness in thought, word, deed, and character. And we’re all guilty.
Another New Testament word for sin (sometimes translated transgress) means “to deliberately step across.” It refers to intentionally crossing the line between right and wrong. When being quizzed by your spouse, for example, you opt to stop telling the truth and you move into say-anything-in-order-to-save-my-skin mode.
Another word for sin means “to slip across.” This isn’t premeditated, but it’s still wrong and potentially just as damaging. you get angry, let’s say, and blurt out some things best left unsaid. You weren’t thinking. you weren’t careful. You didn’t plan any of that but you’re guilty nonetheless.
Still another word conveys the idea of lawlessness. This is overt rebelliousness, living like there are no rules, or like the rules don’t apply to yours truly. This is a defiant rejection of God’s authority.
The awful news that precedes the gospel’s really good news is that we’re each guilty of sin (Romans 3:23). Not only that, but as Jesus noted, we’re slaves to sin. On our own, we can’t stop. When it comes to falling short, crossing lines, slipping up, and rebelling, we’re experts. It’s that-sin-that separates us from God (Isaiah 59:2) and lands us on a kind of spiritual death row (Romans 6:23).
The good news is that Jesus came to rescue us (remember, His very name means “the Lord saves”-see Matthew 1:21). By dying the death we deserved (and walking out of the grave), He now lives to offer full pardon to sinners, endless new life to all who will put their trust in Him.
We humans have it within us to fix some of our problems. But only Jesus is the remedy for sin.
Study Question
How would you describe the concept of sin to a child? To an agnostic family member, friend, or coworker?
The four main think tanks and campaigners of the Morality concept are: Religious institutes, Social establishment, Individual disposition, and Nature/Life conservationists. In this series of exploring the purpose of morality and its relevance in life, I would explore the different shades of morality that I have discovered or rediscovered. There are so many diverse understandings and numerous misunderstandings attached to the concept of Moral Consciousness. I choose Religion as the first model of morality for discussion in this article. While I’m not interested to write an essay on the history of religion, I would like to broadly discuss how the many branches of Religion have influenced the psychology of people and affected their day-to-day lives. All the religions around the world are founded on the concept of morality – ‘to be good, to be right, to be truthful, to be selfless, to be self-disciplined, and so on.’ But the cardinal principle of the religious theory rests on the concept of complete subordination to the Supreme entity, which is known by varied names, such as God, Bhagwan, Rabb, Allah, Nirankar, and many more. Humankind has tried to lock spirit’s aura in the institute of religion, and with that came the hierarchy of ‘controlled’ evolution of mind. Every religion has its own set of parables or ‘moral’ stories and examples to compete with the other religions in the current market. But all the fables speak of similar morals, as mentioned above. ‘To be good, or not to be’ decides whether a person is a moralist or a corrupted human being. This raises a serious spiritual dilemma: According to the theological expectations, a moral- religionist is a person who is expected to submit unconditionally to his/her belief ( blind faith, in other words). Usually, such an individual would aggressively follow what he has trained his mind to believe (Self- brainwash) and might not be open to debate or asking questions. So, what’s the morality in such thinking? Well, devotion in totality is moral, just as skepticism is immoral; acceptance is moral, just as questioning is immoral; moral is in the unreasoning, and logic is immoral. In other words, the strict code of religion is ‘fear’ – ‘One could face the wrath of an angry God, if one asks questions,’ ‘Unconditional devotion could be awarded, but defiance would be punished.’ If it’s not clear enough yet, then let me confess- I do not believe in the wrathful celestial-ness, and I do not see any morality in punishing people, rather than be offered a chance to improve and reintegrate. Even in the man-made social justice, we’ve reached the stage of rehabilitation, with however much success; at least we are trying for all the moral reasons. But the point here to make is – The divine justice must be surely much more sagacious than the ingenuity of the engineered law and order invented by the lowly humans. But the puritanical morality lies in the sinner being chastised. Blind faith, ritual routines, feeling perpetually guilty, accepting theory without questions, trying to strangulate sub-conscious voice, denying your life to improve, etc are but negative vibes and have no base in morality. It’s an unfortunate and misplaced morality preached by ritualistic religionists and has no connection with spirituality. I would dare as much to say that any religion without true moral values of spiritual-ness is like a heart with no pulse. This brings to another shade of morality in religion- ‘God is forgiving.’ As humankind, we’ve reached this stage after much endurance and persistence, as history would tell. The establishment of the religious lobby is indeed evolving; we must persevere as a long way to go yet. I much prefer this concept of the Omnipotent, as there is love in forgiveness, there is care in forgiveness, and there is generosity in forgiveness. A very moral form of spiritualism, and categorically resonates with my belief. The supreme entity within this concept is more like a parent figure than a dictating ruler. Evolving religiously is based on seeking moral guidance from divinity. Such guidance is received in weighing our karma/actions in life against moral reasoning. Morality here is based neither on punishment nor on the feeling of perpetual guilt. One grows the power of introspection and generates a common sense of right and wrong. This is called growing conscience. Once morality rises from within, it stays in the auto mode in life. For me, this is the perfect spiritual awareness. One could match it up with any compatible religion- some like to match blue with orange, others might prefer blue with white, and so on and so forth. Hence, it’s fair to conclude that before we become too enthusiastic about claiming that ‘God is one, but it’s MY God which is the ONE,’ we need to seek, and develop our understanding of what is being moral means. So, in the light of its basic definition that ‘ Morality is to recognise the difference between good and bad’, here’s what I think moral-ness is, : ‘To be truthful to your own self and don’t waste precious energy to judge others’, ‘Find yourself in own heart before trying endlessly to win someone else’s,’ ‘Respect yourself before surrendering to a misconceived mysticism’, ‘Be patient with your concerns and open to skepticism’, ‘Accept that it’s dignified to recognise own pain and express it’, ‘It’s not greed to desire more to improve life’- This is my definition of moral mindset, which generates positive vibes and optimistic mindset. In other words, the moral sense evolves when a person conquers own self. God is in truth, God is in patience, God is in dignity, God redresses pain, God manifests your desires. Finding God is the supreme moral value one could achieve, and it all starts with finding your ownself. Be religious, as I am, but find the essence of religion in spirituality, not in invented dogma. I believe this is the core connection between religion and morality.
Even as a child, I noticed things that other people never paid attention to. At school, I was often accused of not paying attention in class because I was distracted by other things- the black mold in the upper corners of the classroom walls at Oakley Junior High (The building had been built during the 1940s), the spider’s web in one of the light fixtures, a red wasp that flew through one of the partially opened windows, etc.
Maybe I would notice the loud roar of a plane flying overhead, or the squeak of a mouse trapped in the classroom waste can. Or maybe I had the revolting displeasure of seeing the butt-crack of the fat boy sitting in front of me, who had a terrible habit of not pulling his pants up.
Whatever it was, and no matter how tiny the detail, I noticed it and others were often threatened by that. And, just maybe, the reason they were so threatened is because of the overall likelihood that I might see through all the bullshit that certain unscrupulous classmates and school officials tried to shovel. Or I’d notice the “fine print” in the stories and narratives they tried to sell me.
People also hated that during a conversation, I often went deep and tried to dissect everything I’d see or hear. But! As annoying as it may have been, I believe that what many people hated was the likelihood that, in my many deep dives, I’d expose true motives and hidden nefarious intentions. Because it’s only when you dissect something and go deep, you find the real malignancies underneath.
I hope someday I wake up and look forward to the day. I hope someday, listening to songs doesn’t remind me of you. I hope someday I laugh until my cheeks hurt and still go on laughing. I hope someday I stop romanticising the poetic gloom. I hope someday I stop drinking to your name and I hope someday, whiskey tastes sweeter than it tastes now.
I hope someday I find myself caring less about the questions I couldn’t ask you. I hope someday I am at peace, by myself, laying on the green grass under the yellow sun, with thoughts of anything but yours. I hope someday survival becomes a little easier. I hope someday life stops being unfair. I hope someday this weight of nothingness goes away. I hope the tightness in the chest gets off.
I hope someday I find myself strong enough to push you to some untraversed corner in my subconscious. I hope someday I go to bed for the last ever slumber, never to wake to tell you things I have felt. I hope someday this ends, and life spares me the pain.
Afterword: My heart bleeds for the world—our home. The world has never seen 100 million refugees—people displaced from their homes or homelands—14 million of them added in just the past 100 days alone from the war in Ukraine. In the US, 2 mass shootings 1,700 miles and 2 weeks apart but bound by 18. Two men-boys—only 18 years old—chose to massacre innocent people only on the basis that they are black and the other we don’t yet know the motive. In 18 short years how is it that your heart can get so cold, so callous, so filled with hatred? How can you amass such levels of hopelessness, despair, anger that at 18 you’re capable of turning such visceral hate outward to the world? My heart bleeds—for the kind of society have we created where our children murder children—for 18 is but a child in many ways and a critical, delicate transition point in the development process. What are we missing in raising our children? I feel like I’m walking in non-stop rain asking myself: what more can I do? This post is a little emotionally heavy but it’s brought on by the state of our world.
Nefarious people are experts at hiding their evil and they do it under the cover of concern and love. Bullies and fake friends are such people and it can be difficult to spotlight them. After they’ve harmed us, we’re often left shocked and bewildered.
Fortunately, there are signs you can look for if you know what they are. Here’s what you can do to spot frenemies, fakes, and undercover bullies:
1. Always observe the people around you – without looking like you’re watching, of course. Use your peripheral vision to scan them and your environment, and you’ll quickly pick up on the moods and sense the elephant in the room (if there is one).
2. Look for body language that isn’t congruent with words and context – Actions speak louder than words. If their body language isn’t congruent with words, background, or the situation and shows even a hint of hostility and discomfort when they’re around you, then “Houston, we have a problem.”
3. Watch for micro flashes – If you’re not careful, you’re likely to miss those tiny, split-second micro flashes of contempt people give without realizing it or when they think you aren’t aware of it. There are good actors; don’t get me wrong, but there are certain things the body gives away involuntarily, and if you look for it, you’ll see it.
When you’re around fake friends, sometimes, as you turn your back, you’ll see a tiny micro flash of contempt on their faces out of the corner of your eye. Then, you’ll get that nagging feeling in the pit of your gut. Don’t ignore that because you don’t only imagine things! Eighty-six these creeps fast!
4. Notice the person’s feet – You can tell a lot by the feet! If the person is talking to you, facing you, but their feet are pointing away from you, that means they aren’t as “with you” as you think. Put some distance between you and that person.
5. Watch for crossed arms while talking to the person – If you’re having a conversation with the person and they cross their arms over their chest, that’s a dead giveaway! They’re exhibiting closed body language, and they’re closing themselves off to anything you have to say. It’s time to make an excuse to end the tete-a-tete and walk away. You don’t want this person around you.
6. Looking at you without blinking – if they do this, it’s a sure sign of contempt, or they’re trying to intimidate you. Either way, this person is not the person you want to be around.
7. Other signs to look for – a furrowed brow, one corner of the lip slightly raised, an icy, piercing stare, smiling at you with their mouth but not the eyes (no crinkles around the eyes). Any of these signs, you might want to distance yourself.
8. If they look at you, then look at each other when you walk away – again, you want nothing to do with these people.
9. Watch what you share– Very important! Don’t tell anyone anything they don’t need to know. Not even to those who seem friendly Don’t reveal information that’s better off private. Don’t badmouth anybody, especially the bullies, to anyone. They may smile in your face, but you can be sure they’ll report back to the bullies with anything you say and try to fan the flames.
10. Watch for eavesdroppers – If you have an innocent conversation with someone in the hall, be on the lookout for eavesdroppers. Don’t talk near corners or open doors. Many times people will listen in on your discussion, then report back to the bullies with it. Pay attention to people who walk by.
And if you see other people standing around while you’re speaking and those people aren’t a part of the conversation, take the discussion to a place more private, being sure you aren’t being followed.
In order to protect yourself, you must keep your eyes and ears peeled and be an avid people-watcher. Only when you pay attention to other people, will you be able to see behind the masks bullies and fakers wear.
Debobed 
